I’m not sure what I thought I’d feel after finally coming out to my mom, but I expected something along the lines of “no big deal.” I figured I knew exactly what she’d say (and I was right: “I kinda figured, and I abhor it with every fiber of my being” and “I want you to know that I love you”), and I knew I’d reached a place where all I wanted to do is live honestly. I think I was also a little wary of making up pain for myself by donning the tired Coming Out story—the huge ordeal with tears and hurt feelings was too cliché and wouldn’t be me. Mostly, I knew the very Christian “love the sinner, hate the sin” would be there at the end, so any coming-out-pain would be nothing compared to the abandonment and abuse many others face.

But the night after my mom and I talked about it (even though we didn’t truly talk about IT for more than two minutes), I felt much smaller and more hurt than I wanted to admit.

My friends have always been my real family—I made a big deal out of this for a while, until I realized that’s the way I like it—but I guess it’s still going to hurt when your mother spends two hours pathologizing your very personality and quite actively Not Listening to you.

Let’s just say I CAN’T WAIT for the day Christianity finally realizes God loves gays.

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3 Responses to Out!

  1. Alex Haiken says:

    Nearly every person who acknowledges an aversion to homosexuality does so on the basis of what he or she believes the Bible has to say. In their mind, there is no doubt whatsoever about what the Bible says and what the Bible means. Their general argument goes something like this: Homosexuality is an abomination and the homosexual is a sinner. Homosexuality is condemned in both the Old and New Testaments. Therefore, if we are to be faithful to the clear teachings of Scripture we too must condemn homosexuality. Needless to say, this premise is being widely debated among evangelicals today and seriously challenged by biblical scholars, theologians and religious leaders everywhere.

    It rarely occurs to any of us that our reading of Scripture is profoundly colored by our own cultural context and worldview. In light of the post above and since I happen to speak and write on this topic, I thought you might find some of these posts of particular interest and relevance. I would particularly recommend the following:

    “Genesis 19: What Were the Real Sins of Sodom?”
    “Leviticus 18: What Was the Abomination?”
    “Romans 1: What Was Paul Ranting About?”
    “Romans 2: Paul’s Bait and Switch”
    “Genesis 1: Turning the Creation Story into an Anti-Gay Treatise”
    “Why No One in the Biblical World Had a Word for Homosexuality”
    “Exegesis: Not For the Faint in Heart”

    (Links to these and more posts may be found by simply clicking the link below and then selecting the “Archives” page.)

    -Alex Haiken

  2. I just read the best article about homosexuality in the bible and the thesis was that the bible didn’t really have anything to say about it. The word homosexual in prior translations really meant people who molest children of the same gender. Not someone who loves and cares for an adult of the same sex. So anyways, I need to find that for you!
    If it makes you feel any better, I completely dismissed Bush 2 when he appealed to tradition to explain why gay people shouldn’t have rights. It’s the only political issue that I feel deep in my heart that I’m right on.

  3. Lefty says:

    The way you came out; while less interesting than mine; was better planned. I came out to my mother while I was drinking and were both vacationing in Paris. Her boyfriend (whom she had separated from my father to be with for two years in the past) had just recently killed herself and she was grieving. I recall the restaurant we were at had a live band covering Beatles songs, and amid glasses of whatever liquor I was imbibing and over the crooning of “Let it be” I grew angry with my mother and slurringly told her that I was gay.

    She looked at me with hurt in her eyes and asked

    “Why would you tell me this after Mauricio just killed himself? Don’t you think I’m dealing with enough?”

    If I had a point to all this I forgot what it was.

    Hey good news, one decade later she finally accepts it unconditionally!

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